Since becoming a parent, I’ve been in a never-ending wrestling match with the concept of failure. On the one hand, I want to protect my kids from its sting; on the other, I know that life’s best lessons are often wrapped in the prickly packaging of failure.
Take learning to walk, for example. It’s a comical routine of tottering, tumbling, and trying again. Riding a bike? That’s just a rite of passage involving a few memorable crash landings. And who hasn’t felt the despair of losing unsaved work to a computer crash, cementing a lifelong commitment to the “save” button? Or the heartache that teaches us the real depths of love after a relationship ends?
Life’s most valuable lessons often come with a side of failure. So, should I encourage my kids to not just face but embrace and even seek out failure?
Webster’s dictionary defines failure as a lack of success. But who achieves success on the first try? Ask any parent: resilience, often seasoned with discomfort, is essential for true and lasting success. Perhaps the key to our kids’ success—and our own as parents—is becoming comfortable with and even supportive of failure.
If we’re truly dedicated to helping our kids achieve real success, we need to focus on two crucial areas:
- Teaching How to Fail WELL
Failing well involves a mindset makeover. It’s about transforming life’s lemons into not just lemonade, but a full-blown lemonade empire, complete with franchises and a marketing plan. - Teaching How to Fail OFTEN
Failing repeatedly transforms your behavior. With each fall, you get better at dusting yourself off and standing up with confidence.
First, we need to address the negative mental perspective around failure before we can expect different reactions to it. In parts 2 and 3, we’ll explore these points in greater detail.
So, here’s a question for you to ponder: What’s one thing you’re not letting your kid fail at, but they need to in order to learn a vital life lesson? Depending on their age, your answer will vary, but let’s be honest—no matter how old they get, a parent’s job is never done.
